Finding Forgiveness

Definition of Unforgiving (unforgiveness) - unwilling or unable to forgive; a grudge against someone who has offended you.

Have you ever been in a situation where you find yourself asking someone for forgiveness? Or on the flip side of it, you hold a grudge against someone and need to forgive them because they did something to hurt you? Like most, I've been on both sides and to be honest, neither one of them are fun. I've done or said things in the past that have brought hurt to someone and at the same time, I've been the one to have suffered the pain and hurt by another.  In this post I'd like to open up about how I am learning to forgive the way Jesus commanded us to forgive. For a few years now I've been on the road of trying to learn how to forgive. After being severely hurt several times by the same person, it's hard to let go of the pain and let go of things that were done and said.

I recently had a conversation with a friend that has suffered hurt from a past relationship.  I asked them, "how did you come to a place of forgiveness or have you even forgiven them at all?" Just like me, they were on the long road of coming to a place of forgiveness. You see, if I have to be honest with myself, I truly haven't come to the place of forgiveness. Every time I think about the situation, I'm reminded of the hurt and pain that my heart endured. In the beginning I dealt with the emotions of hurt, that soon progressed into anger and hate. It's hard to forgive someone when you "hate" them. I had several thoughts of what kind of revenge I could get on this person, (I'm sure many of you are thinking really highly of me right now...lol), but it's the truth. I was at a point that I could care less, I just wanted them to suffer as much as they made me suffer.

Over time as I sat in church and listened to sermon after sermon, I knew I had to forgive but couldn't find it in my heart to do so. The conviction of knowing I was wrong for not forgiving was tearing me up inside. When I would partake of communion, I would pray and ask God to help me forgive. I didn't want to bring sickness upon myself, nor did I want my prayers hindered because of my sin. You do know unforgiveness is a sin right? But somewhere along the way I couldn't get past it.

In all honesty, I'm still not at the place of forgiveness. I have allowed what they have done to put me in a place of bondage. I know that I cannot continue to allow this grudge against them to control me. I told my friend I was speaking about earlier in the post, that I don't know "how" to forgive. I know Jesus commanded it, but I don't know how to do it. Not something of this caliber. As if there are levels of forgiveness. In my mind there are. Now that may be an incorrect way of thinking and but it makes sense to me. On a scale of 1-10, this situation would be a 100. Get my drift? We can say all day long we forgive, but actually doing it is completely different. What does that look like?

Ephesians 4:31 says, "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice." Ouch! I don't think I have obeyed that scripture at all. Jesus commanded us in Matthew 6:14, "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you." So is Jesus saying that if we don't forgive, we will in turn not be forgiven. Yes it does. Does this scare me, Yes it does. I want my sins to be forgiven. With that being said, this year I am being intentional in overcoming this area of unforgiveness in my life. It hasn't been easy to say the least, but I am purposing in my heart to figure out how to let it go and move on. How to go to the foot of the Cross and release them. Not just with my mouth but with my WHOLE HEART! So when I walk away, I don't take it with me. My husband told me once, "just because you forgive someone doesn't mean your going to forget what they did." The problem with me is that I want to forget it ever happened. That's not the case and that's not how the Lord works.

I think we will know we have come to a place of forgiveness when we can talk about the situation without having the feelings of hate and anger, bitterness and hurt in our hearts. So if you are struggling with unforgiveness I want to promise you that you are not alone. It's real and it's painful. Together, with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can get to the place of forgiveness. Continue to pursue the Lord and ask Him to set you free.